Interesting Thoughts on Intimacy

This week’s studies were on intimacy (emotional, spiritual and physical) within the marital relationship. There were a lot of things that really opened my eyes but I think the things that meant the most to me was learning what the prophets have said in the past about physical intimacy. Just to give you a little background, I’ve always had a somewhat skewed view of physical intimacy because I was molested by a friend when I was five and then by a relative from twelve to fourteen so all of my experience with sex taught me that it was uncomfortable, shame-inducing and something to be avoided. I’ve long viewed sex as something unclean but that is considered acceptable within the bonds of marriage.

In the readings I learned that this is precisely the attitude that we should NOT have towards marital intimacy. There was a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that really touched a nerve for me:

Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.

I know that I am not going to be able to change such a long-held view overnight but this has helped me to begin to see marital intimacy not as a necessary evil but rather as something that the Lord has given to mortals to express their love for their spouse and to allow them to be co-creators with Him in bringing new spirits into mortality. I want to work on these beliefs before I get married so that I go into that relationship with a healthier understanding. Elder Hugh B Brown taught that:

“Many marriages have been wrecked on the dangerous rocks of ignorant and debased sex behavior, both before and after marriage. Gross ignorance on the part of newlyweds on the subject of the proper place and functioning of sex results in much unhappiness and many broken homes.”

So ignorance cannot be permitted. My goal is to gain a better understanding of the Lord’s design and purpose for marital intimacy so that I can develop a healthier attitude towards the intimacy that should be part of my future marriage.