Pride and Practice

My recent readings have involved studying pride as it relates to marriage. I came across a quote in one of our textbooks (Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard) that I think can be applied to any relationship.

“To bury our old weapons of war yet continue to rebroadcast a ‘widescreen’ version of old battles and old wounds, complete with ‘instant replay,’ ‘slow motion,’ and our own exaggerated form of ‘special effects,’ undermines the process of healing and the prospects for growth – for both spouses [parties].” (p. 80)

We may claim that we have grown or matured by burying our “weapons of war” (these may include contempt, criticism, or other behaviors aimed at hurting or denigrating another) but when we refuse to genuinely repent of our bad behavior and forgive others, we refuse to allow the wounds to heal. During the process of preparing for baptism, my bishop once told me that forgiving others their trespasses is a crucial piece of being forgiven for our own. He remarked that it was incredible to him that I had been able to forgive a family member who had seriously wrong me but that that forgiveness would bless my life. I told him that I had chosen to forgive them because I realized that not forgiving another is only corrosive to oneself not to the unforgiven person. I may not ever forget what was done to me but I have chosen to forgive the guilty party and attempt to heal the relationship. The Lord is our perfect example in all relationships. When we have genuinely repented of a misdeed and are making a conscientious effort to do better, He doesn’t hold those things against us anymore. We need to strive to do the same in our relationships, especially in our marriages. And sometimes we have to learn to forgive the other before they even seek forgiveness. This can be extremely hard to do, but I know (from personal experience) that as we gain more practice in forgiving others we help to strengthen our relationship with the Lord because we begin to better understand how He relates to us.

        Another note about pride is that sometimes pride can help us to only see others flaws and ignore our own. What are some ways we can overcome that blind spot? I know that I actually like to hear feedback from others on how I can improve. I will readily admit that I do not automatically accept all feedback because some change is suggested simply because I do not share the other person’s viewpoint and they do not like that. But when I recognize that I need to change (such as when I was working on being more organized so as to not make my very organized roommate crazy), I am willing to take that feedback and strive to implement it to improve myself. I think when we are willing to put our words into practice by taking the feedback from others and then implementing it, we lay a relationship foundation which can help others to be more receptive to any feedback we may give. After all no one likes someone who preaches “do as I say, not as I do" and no one wants to be that person themselves. To close I'd like to share another quote from that same book, "A happy marriage is a union of two forgivers" and encourage you to ask yourself, "What can I do to be one of those two forgivers?"