Divorce without Dinner

This week during my studies I read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks titled “Divorce”. It was particularly striking to me that as true as his words were when they were first given in 2007, now ten years later in 2017 they are more true. Marriage has largely ceased to be seen as being primarily for the raising of children but has come to be viewed as “a private relationship between consenting adults, terminable at the will of either”. This shift is clearly evident in the legalization of same-sex marriage. Barring the use of medical technologies or the involvement of a third party of the opposite sex, same-sex couples cannot reproduce. We need to fight this re-definition and strive to keep children and their best interests in the forefront of the public mind as it relates to marriage.

Someone asked me once what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints’ stance was on divorce. I’ve learned a lot since that time and have come to realize that divorce is not viewed as an irredeemable evil. Divorced members are able to hold a valid temple recommend. However, the Church DOES NOT view divorce as a solution to marital difficulties (with the exception of abusive situations) but rather as a cause of even more issues, especially for any children of the union. Many couples who work through their difficult periods will often report increased happiness when followed up years later. There are a few key pieces (mentioned in the talk) to getting past the hard times:

Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine (see D&C 64:9–10). Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs… to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships.

Couples who follow this advice will emerge from their difficulties with their marriage even stronger.

As I prepare for a career in which I will dedicate my time to helping children recover from the damage done to them in negative family settings, my thoughts turn to what I can do to protect my own future family from the forces that will seek their destruction. I want to follow the advice above given by Elder Oaks, but not just in my marriage but in all of my family relationships. As I’ve studied and pondered on the topic, I’ve found several recommendations that I plan to implement in my future family:

• Daily family prayer
• Daily family scripture study
• Teach my children the importance of repentance and forgiveness
• Be an example to my children of forgiveness
• Teach my children to follow the guidance given by modern day prophets (and follow it myself)
• Daily family dinners where we are all unplugged and talking to one another
• Limit the media that comes into the home in order to help our home be a sanctuary
• Not argue with my spouse in front of our children
• Regular temple attendance with my spouse (and children as they get old enough)

Each of these will contribute to family cohesiveness and collectively will help to strengthen our bonds with each other and with our Heavenly Father.