Under Attack? Hide at the Temple!

       I have felt really off balance these past few days. I had a very difficult experience at Institute on Tuesday and was really struggling. The lesson got me really thinking about my future. And the adversary had me feeling that I don't have one. That I'm always going to be single because God knows He can't trust me because I was so messed up or that if He does let me have a family, that I'll be the epic fail my parents were (in some ways). I literally felt like I was under attack.
       The 3rd marked 1 month since my baptism, and I admit, I had expected a slight reprieve after my baptism, but instead the adversary has redoubled his attacks. I know that I NEED to go to the temple as soon as possible and each day that passes that I am still unable to get my recommend (due to paperwork), he keeps trying (and sometimes succeeding) in scaring me. I have many fears for my future and he is preying on all of them. Tuesday, we had an Institute lesson that talked about families, difficulties, and the plan of salvation. During the ride home, part of me kept worrying about my role in the Plan. Part of me is terrified to have a family because I am afraid of repeating my parents mistakes. Another part of me is afraid of never being given the chance to HAVE a family because Heavenly Father knows how much I messed up and doesn't trust me, so He won't lead me to my companion or that if He does, I won't be able to have children. My heart quails at the thought of spending more years alone, I yearn so much for a family of my own that it breaks my heart sometimes. I literally could not stop crying that night.
        I was riding back from Institute with my best friend Aubree and her fiancee Brian. He and I were both struggling when suddenly Aubree says, "we're going to the temple, now." So we keep going, passing the exit that would take us home and instead continue onward to the temple. Tears streaming down my face as the adversary throws everything (I knew I had been forgiven of) in my face. I haven't felt so low in a while. We rode almost in silence until we got to the temple. I was expecting the grounds to be locked, but when we arrived at 10 pm the parking lot was full of cars. As soon as I got onto the grounds, all my fears began to fade away. I took a deep breath and felt my head clear almost immediately. The three of us went to the benches on the side of the temple, knelt and Brian began to offer a prayer, but was so choked up that he couldn't continue and I tried to step in when his voice failed, but couldn't speak around the lump in my throat, Aubree (who is uncomfortable saying public prayers) spoke up and said a sweet simple prayer. When we said Amen, I felt peace return to my heart and was (and am) so intensely thankful to live so close to a temple.
        I testify that there is such power in the temples. When I think of the strength and love I could feel from my Father on the grounds, it only strengthens my desire to go inside the temple as soon as I am eligible. The temple truly is His house on this earth and we need to go frequently. He loves us and it is so easy to feel that love when we are at the temple. I know that the adversary does not want any of us to go to the temple, but we have to keep moving forward.