Crash!

My, my, my, yesterday was eventful..

I hadn't planned on going to the YSA Branch but I felt like I needed to be there. I drove to the car pool, debating the whole drive, but I wound up being glad I attended. Many of the talks and much of the Sunday School and 3rd hour lessons really resonated for me.

Then FHE was awesome. My friend Orla and her fiancee Travis gave the lesson and it was pretty sweet.
On my way home, I dropped by the Sisters house to drop off the umbrella one of them had forgotten in my car. We talked for a couple moments and as I was preparing to leave, Sister Houston says "Text us when you get home so we know you made it safe" - "I'm only 5 minutes from home, but okay... will do."

Little did I know...

The light had just turned green and I was making the left turn onto the road that my apartment complex is on, when a guy ran the red light in front of me. I literally had just enough time to take my foot off the gas and we collided, hard. I was only going maybe 15 miles an hour, but he had to be close to 60.

I just sat there in the middle of the intersection too shocked to move for a good minute or so. Then I slowly pulled forward and off to the side, so cars could go around me. My first thought was "Oh my gosh, I was just in an accident". I was trembling and my chest hurt so badly where the seat-belt had grabbed me.  A guy who was in the car behind me pulled over as well and came over to check on me. Once we determined that I seemed to be okay, he went to check on the guy who hit me. I still don't know if that other person is okay.

The police showed up and asked me a few questions. I gave them my info and they walked off. Then the initial shock wore off and I could feel myself becoming hysterical. I knew I needed someone to talk to or I was going to completely lose it and I needed to stay rational. I called the first name that popped into my mind, a set of Sisters I work with frequently. I apologized for the lateness of my call (almost 10 pm) and explained what had just happened. I just asked them to please talk to me. I needed to not feel alone. Sure, I handle claims for work, but it is very different being in the accident yourself. They stayed on the phone with me for about 20 minutes or so, until a couple minutes before the police officer told me I was okay to drive home (since I was less than a quarter of a mile from home).

As I was waiting for the police officer to bring me the sheet of info, I called my home ward Bishop, explained what had happened and asked if he would meet me at my home and give me a blessing.

I was so dazed that I didn't even get out of the car til I got home. Then I discovered just how bad the damage was. My drivers door barely opened enough for me to get out. I looked at the front end and saw that my driver-side headlight was gone as was half of my front bumper, the hood was crumpled up. I couldn't believe that I'd been able to drive it home. I immediately said a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for protecting me. Looking at the damage, I knew that I could have been injured so much worse than I was.

I was so grateful when Bishop showed up with his wife. The blessing of comfort truly brought peace to my soul. I know that the only reason I was and am so calm today about dealing with this, is because of that blessing. I truly don't know how I ever lived without the power of the priesthood in my life.

Today I just kept thinking about the events of last night and my reaction. I realized that I truly had changed. The me that is about to enter 2014 has very little in common with the me that entered 2013. To be able to immediately see His protection and blessing in a bad situation is something I have learned (the hard way) to do over the course of the last year.

I am so grateful for His protection and for all He has taught me over the last year. I am a little bummed to end what has been one of the best years of my life on a down note but all is well. I know that good things lie ahead and this is but another trial for me to learn from and grow.

Estoy muy agradecida por el amor y poder de mi Padre Celestial en mi vida!

One Year Ago...

I've been in a very reflective mood all day and was thinking how one year ago today, my Heavenly Father gave me a 2nd Christmas gift of eternal significance. He prompted my bishop to have the Elders put me in touch with the only Sister missionaries in the area. One year ago today I met with my Hermanas for the very first time... Little did I know when I first welcomed Hermana Schroeppel and Hermana Coleman into my home and my life, just how much things would change.

One year ago, I attended church a couple times a month and wasn’t really “there”…

Now, I may go to two wards in a single day and enjoy what I learn.

One year ago, I had not even begun to understand the Atonement…
            Now, I can barely comprehend how I ever lived without applying it in my life.

One year ago, I had no idea when I would be ready to be re-baptized.

Now, I delight in taking the Sacrament each week to renew the baptismal covenants I made on September 3^rd.

One year ago, I would have laughed at the idea of myself serving a mission…

Now, I am counting down the days ‘til I can apply for permission to serve, and I take every opportunity I get to help the Sisters with the work.

One year ago, I thought losing weight was impossible…
            Now, I have lost over 20% of my body weight.

One year ago, I had barely opened my scriptures a dozen times outside of church…

Now, I’ve read the Book of Mormon 3 times this year and am starting to make my own connections between the scriptures.

One year ago, I thought learning a language was beyond me…

Ahora, yo encontrar gozo en aprendiendo y estudiando español.

Twelve months seems so long and so short at the same time. I feel like I have lived several lifetimes in the last year; it doesn’t seem possible that so much can be lived in such a short time.

This life truly is a gift from God and I testify that it works best when we follow the instruction book that came with the gift.

On the bright side...

So I found out yesterday that I have to wait longer than I thought to put in my mission papers AND I may not even be able to submit them at all.

Stake President contacted me yesterday to let me know that he had spoken to Salt Lake. They indicated that I would not be even able to submit my papers until after my one year mark and that after my one year mark had passed, we would have to apply to the First Presidency for permission for me to serve a mission. If they grant permission (and I pray they will), then I would be able to submit my mission papers.

My first reaction was "Really? More waiting. Yay!" (and I'm not usually sarcastic.)

But then I stopped and thought. So many blessings have come into my life this year as a result of "His timing" playing out in my life.

If things had happened when I wanted them to...

I would not have learned patience. 

I would not have learned to trust Him even more. 

I would not have developed the strength to push through the hard times. 

I would not have made some of the amazing friends that I have, who helped me through the dark days and taught me to see the silver lining instead of seeing just the clouds,

I would not have learned that I CAN do hard things.

Today, I pondered more about the additional time to prepare that has been given me and I have become grateful for the additional time I have been asked to wait.

The extra time means...

I have more time to lose more weight as I strive to have a healthy body for my life and my mission.

I will have the opportunity to welcome most of my missionary friends home, and learn from them.

I can get even better grounded in the Gospel and become more comfortable with teaching, so that I can focus on who I am teaching because I am comfortable with what I am teaching.

I will get to go through the temple for my endowment and return to the temple several times before I put my papers in and then (hopefully) report for my mission.

As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1

                1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

His timing really is the best, sometimes its just really hard to see that. I may not be able to see the itinerary for my life but I trust with all my heart the one who wrote it, so I am going to keep following the lead of my shepherd and know that He has my eternal life in mind, not just my mortality.

 

Follow the Spirit... (even when it doesn't make sense)

I had a neat experience today that I wanted to share. The last few days have been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for me as I grappled with making a decision I felt prompted to make (but hadn't planned on making (nor wanted to make) for a few more months).

I felt like I was being prompted to commit myself wholly to one path or another and stop lingering at the fork in the road. To commit to dating seriously with the intention of eventually getting sealed in the temple, or to focus myself on serving a mission next year.

After much serious thought and prayer, I finally made my decision late last night and decided to focus on serving a mission. Then this morning at work I kept feeling fear, off-balance and a general uneasiness, like something was wrong. I spent most of the morning on the verge of tears. I knew something had to be done, I needed to get my peace and balance back. I felt I had made the right choice, but thought maybe I was feeling so unsettled because I chose wrong.

Tonight President Hanks (our mission president) was speaking at a Relief Society dinner in my home ward and I had to decided to skip Institute to attend. Well as I'm at work and feeling unsettled, I decide that I am not going to go to the dinner but am going to go to the temple instead. As soon as I had that though, it was immediately rebuked by the Spirit (which did not make sense to me, I mean really?! A prompting to NOT go to the temple?!) as I was told, clear as a bell, "You do not need to go to the temple, you NEED a blessing".

I called a close friend of mine (who was just ordained to the Melchizedek priesthood on Sunday) and asked if he would be willing to give me a blessing of comfort. He said yes and I met him at his fiancee's house.

That blessing was just what I needed. No one but Heavenly Father knew that I had been wrangling with this decision or that I had made the decision, but in the middle of the blessing it was pronounced that "Heavenly Father is very happy with the path you have chosen." My heart immediately was calmed and I began to cry, but tears of joy. It brought such peace to my heart that Heavenly Father had chosen to literally tell me that I had made the right choice.

I am so incredibly grateful to live in this dispensation; when we have the power of the priesthood available to bless our lives. I am grateful for worthy men, like my friend, who honor their priesthood and cherish the opportunity to use it to bless the lives of those around them. I love the Gospel!!

The Little Things

Something nice happened yesterday.

I decided to go to my home ward since I was sick (and not up to a 1 hour drive to Tuscaloosa for church). After the short meeting (it was only Sacrament since they were announcing they were moving another ward into our building) I went home to sleep. I couldn't sleep and it felt like I needed to go back to church.

I'm laying in bed, ticking off all the wards/branches I know of and they had all already met or were too far and then Altadena pops into my head. I drag myself out of the house and drive to the Birmingham Stake Center (about 15 minutes from my apartment).

I'm sitting in the back of the room, not really understanding why I was there. I was having a hard enough time with English, I didn't understand why I was prompted to go to a Spanish branch.

Presidente Cuenca opens the meeting and announces the opening hymn (only thing I understood was the hymn number) and the congregation starts to sing. And then I understood why I had been sent there. I was feeling really alone and Heavenly Father wanted to remind me that I was not alone. The opening hymn was "Que Firmes Cimientos" (How Firm a Foundation). This is my favorite hymn and every time I hear the third verse in Spanish, I'm transported back to the day of my baptism. I felt warm and so loved in that moment.

The odds that they would choose that particular hymn on the day I randomly show up... Heavenly Father truly is aware of me and wanted me to know it.  I am grateful I followed that prompting to go.

Mi Padre Celestial me ama!

Good Things Come to Those Who... Endure!

Oh wow! Last week was so incredible!

      I was sustained and set apart as a Relief Society Teacher in the YSA Branch on Sunday the 20th. My first  ever calling! I am so excited to start teaching!
        Getting my patriarchal blessing was such a powerful experience for me. Such a testimony builder too. I had not met Patriarch Rose before he gave me my blessing and we spoke for but a few moments before he bestowed my blessing upon me. But my blessing contained so many things that addressed personal concerns that I have not talked to anyone but Heavenly Father about. I feel so good about my future now, where before I was filled with doubts. I am very excited and eager to get the typed copy of my blessing. There were a couple things said in my blessing that I was like "Wow!" and the sentence or two after those things totally didn't register. And I was so blessed to be able to have someone I consider family at my blessing with me. I am very glad I did not go alone because it is such a comfort to have someone I can talk about the experience with (who was there).
        Going back to the temple Tuesday was also incredible. I had been stressing about returning to the temple. I had only been to the temple once before and that was when I was 14 and a lot of bad things were going on in my life. When I went then, I felt peace and safety but also like I shouldn't be there. Tuesday, it felt like coming home. I felt so good to be there and was just joyous to be in my Father's house once more. My friend Brooke came with me and kind of talked me thru what to expect, where to go, and what to do. It was great.
        Then Friday I got to go back again. Friday was different. I was more focused on the work and less on how I was feeling. Since my eyes are so bad, I cannot see the names when I am in the font without my glasses. So I look at the painting of Christ with John the Baptist. From my angle in the font, I could see the painting but not the heads of either of them. As they read off each name, I was mentally superimposing the face of the brother doing the baptisms and the imagined face of the sister I was being baptized for. Mentally picturing each woman's joy as her work was finally being done. I felt so powerfully while in the temple that I need to do my family history and I am going to get started today! And after I had gotten changed back into my church clothes, I was sitting there watching some additional baptisms be done and I felt so strongly that I needed to do my paternal grandfather's work. So I have started putting together the genealogy to get his work done.
        Yesterday was the perfect finish to an awesome week. There was a YSA Devotional held after the branch and President Hanks spoke. I LOVE learning from him, he is such a great teacher. I learned a lot and am excited to apply what I learned to my life. He and I spoke after the devotional about my plans to serve next year and I feel even better about going now. He talked about how stress is the main reason Sisters go home early and that it is essential to learn healthy self-reliant ways to handle stress. You know my background (some of it) so you know I am used to stress and this has made me more determined to continue developing new healthy habits.
 
        Okay now for the non-spiritual news. As of last Monday, I have officially lost 75 lbs since Jan 14th of this year. Celebrated by taking my 75 lbs photo shoot with Anna Melissa on Saturday. That was so much fun and I am excited to get the pictures later this week.
        On another note… there is this guy in the YSA Branch (we'll call him Bob) that I have been interested in, but hadn't asked out because I thought he was a lot younger than me… Well each Sunday I follow the Spirit when deciding whether to go to Gospel Doctrine or Gospel Principles in the YSA Branch. Yesterday the Spirit led me to Gospel Principles. Bob is the teacher and during the lesson (on eternal marriage) he happened to mention that he is 30!!! Turns out he is only 3 months younger than me! I totally lit up in class when he said that. Sooo I gathered my courage during the devotional and (funny enough) taking heart from something President Hanks said, I went up to Bob  immediately after and asked if he was seeing anyone. He said no, and so I asked him if he would like to go out to dinner sometime. He said yes!!
         I am both excited and nervous for my date next week. I've never dated a member before and it's been a while since I last dated anyone. We're going to dinner after Institute. I hope things go well.

General Conference October 2013

       The adversary did not want me listening to Conference this past weekend. He attacked me again on Wednesday and Thursday. I just couldn't seem to protect myself from that avenue of attack. I spent a lot of time on the phone with my friends Wednesday and Thursday nights. They helped me to see what the adversary did not want me to see. That Heavenly Father will not punish us for our pasts, once we have genuinely repented.
        Conference was so amazing. I had the coolest experience with Conference on Saturday. So I had to work all day Saturday and I learned during the April 2013 Conference that I can't listen to Conference at work because I am far too easily distracted from doing my actual job because I want to focus on what . So I decided to listen in Spanish, figuring I wouldn't get as distracted if I was listening in another language. I wasn't expecting it to be a spiritual experience, but more of an intellectual exercise.
        Now this is the first time I have ever taken a question to Conference. I didn't know what to expect, but was not expecting my answer to come while I was listening in another language. But I'm listening in Spanish and I get an answer to my question in like the first 10 minutes! Maravilloso! I kept listening in Spanish and it was just the coolest experience, its like the Spirit was tuning me into and out of Conference as needed. I'd be plugging away at work and suddenly a Spanish phrase would jump out at me and I'd write it down, then the Spanish would fade back into the background. This happened probably two dozen times across the course
of the two Saturday sessions. I wound up taking a another question to the 2nd Saturday session and it was also answered in Spanish. So cool. I am truly amazed by how much I understood and learned. I am excited to listen to those two sessions in English later this week and learn even more. 
       I'd like to take a moment and share some of what I learned in Conference, in the hopes that it may help someone else. I apologize that my notes are a little disordered. For the Spanish session, I don't know who said what because I was listening via the Spanish translator so did not hear their actual voices, and for English, well I have 12 pages of notes from Sunday. I picked out what I felt most prompted to share.

Saturday Morning Session - in Spanish

Question: What do I need to be preparing for?

Answers: We all need to work together in the vineyard -  I am to serve in the vineyard when He calls me to -  to be an on-call missionary - study the words of the prophets (living and dead), they will protect you - become familiar with the scriptures - the Lord will bless us when we humble ourselves before Him - we are  entitled to personal revelation - faith in God will free you - pay your tithing, obedience is part of your personal  sanctification - living the Gospel brings peace to your life 

Saturday Afternoon Session - in Spanish

Question: What should I be  focusing my spiritual studies on?

Answers: Persistence and perseverance - the promises contained in the Atonement - scripture study will protect you - write down revelations given to you (as they come) and then act on them

Sunday Morning Session - in English

Question: How can I learn to be at peace with your plan and your timing for my life?

Answers: You have been forgiven, do not allow your forgiven past to poison your promised future - God has devised ways to save each of His children - marriage is essential for exaltation (you will be given your chance) - God's plan is for ALL His children - remember dedication, perseverance, and self-discipline - the Lord sees weakness differently from rebellion - let Christ help protect me from my weaknesses (by using the Atonement daily) - "How Firm a Foundation" verse 7, He will not forsake me as long as I turn to Him - always be grateful for your many blessings (dwell on what you do have not what you are lacking)

Sunday Afternoon Session - in English

Question: How can I prepare to meet my eternal companion?

Answers: Wisely spend your time by rededicating yourself to your scripture study and learn to protect time for your future family - learn to see the power of the priesthood in daily life - have daily personal prayer and scripture study (not just reading the scriptures, but studying them) - always take the Sacrament seriously, thinking about what it represents - treat your body as a temple (as this relates to weight loss; before you put something in your body, think about what goes into the temple. No impure things go into the temple, so stop putting junk into your body) - self-mastery comes from placing reason over desire - seek to develop Christlike attributes and remember true permanent change comes only thru the power of the Atonement

Between what was revealed to me at Conference and a beautiful blessing I received last night after YSA Family Home Evening, it feels like the dark cloud that has been hanging over me has been dispersed. I feel like I can breathe again. It has been almost 5 weeks since my baptism and my records have not yet come to my ward, so I am still unable to get my limited-use recommend to go to the temple, but I am doing better. Heavenly Father has reminded me that as long as I continue to be obedient and turn to Him in my trials, He will never forsake me but will send His Spirit to be with me as a comforter and a witness that the path I am on is the right one.